Be a son or be gone

Where are you, my brother?  I fear you have lost your way.

In the second week of June our mother fell ill and was hospitalized for approximately a week.  Her condition was quite serious, but, thankfully, it turned out to be something treatable and she was, after several days in the hospital and much pain and discomfort later, on her way back home to recover.

Where were you?  Did you call?  Did you come to visit her while she was hospitalized?  Did you come to visit her at home when she was finally discharged from the hospital?  Did you assist our father with the numerous tasks he had to tend to around the farm, tasks which were normally quite enough for two people to handle?  Did you call either of them to check on them?  Have you called either of them since her hospitalization to, if nothing more, touch base with your parents?

You intentionally avoided them for Christmas and have caused much unneeded pain, anguish and worry.  Do you care?

Our parents have both been ill recently.  Were you aware of that?  Would it have made a difference if you had known that?

I do not ask these questions to attack you.  On the contrary, I ask these questions because I would sincerely appreciate knowing the answers.

I contacted you on October 8th about helping cover some of our parents’ prescription medication expenses.  You may remember telling our father many months ago that you would pick up the monthly costs of their prescriptions.  You wanted to help.  You did not want them to worry about covering those costs.  When I contacted you, I offered to help defray the costs by paying for a part of that monthly expense.  I specifically said that Dad was declining to seek treatment (for something that he desperately needs to address) because of the costs.  By cutting the monthly expense in half, we could have helped them tremendously without overly burdening either of our financial states.

Did you respond?  Did you ever intend to keep your word to our father, the statement of fact, an inherent promise, about paying their monthly prescription bills?  I told you then, several months ago, that we needed to move quickly on this in view of their financial situation, so I’m asking whether you even care?

I understand from many conversations with Mom & Dad that you and your wife travel extensively and are both quite tied up with your respective careers.  How wonderful for the two of you.  I do wonder, however, how wonderful that is for your children.  How do you think they would rate you as a father right now if they could communicate that information clearly and without the overshadowing emotional immaturity of childhood?  Is your career truly more important than your children?

I also understand that you are continuing to pursue the lead pastoral position at a church.  It must be nice to see an opportunity to help guide people in their relationship with your god.  It’s nice to see someone who would like to set the example for so many others.

Do you ever see your own hypocrisy?  How dare you assume you could lead others in their quest for a moral compass when you are too lost to maintain the most important relationship you will ever have — your relationship with your parents.  I could care less whether you keep in touch with me as your moral bankruptcy in acceptance has always been evident.  If your god is real, you can blame him for who I am.  I sure as hell didn’t wake up one morning and decide I wanted to be persecuted and despised by so many, including my own family.  Your apparent bigotry in your dislike for me is of no regard in this matter.

I find it offensive, however, that you dare to believe yourself capable of setting any kind of superior moral example for others when you ignore those who gave you birth, when you show contempt for their very existence by making promises you have no intention of keeping and thereby raising false hopes of easier economic times, when you intentionally wield your holiday plans like a weapon with the clear intention to do emotional harm, and when your odium of them becomes so detestably perceptible that your utter disregard for their welfare becomes a significant concern for both of them.

Your hypocrisy offends me to the core.  You believe yourself to be a religious man capable of being a pastor; therein lies perhaps the most disheartening of all realizations — you truly are blinded to the reality of your own life and existence.

You find yourself so wrapped up in your own career and your unquenchable thirst for a position of religious power that you find it acceptable to turn your back on our parents, to wound them time and again by ignoring them at all turns.  You dare to presume yourself so morally centered that you are capable of helping others to become more moral, yet your disregard and contempt for your own parents is a palpable fog that encircles and follows you with the stench of death.

Doesn’t Matthew 23:26 say something about cleaning up the inside before bothering with the outside?  Do you really feel as though you lead such a clean and proper life in the eyes of your god that you are capable of assisting others?  According to Exodus 20:12, one of the 10 Commandments is actually something about honoring your father and mother.  Do you truly believe you can lead others in fulfilling this directive when you’ve shown such disdain for your own parents?

I am forced to wonder if you have read the entire bible and fully understand what you are claiming by seeking to lead a church.  I am forced to question your heart and motives.  I am forced to question whether you even feel anything anymore.  I see the pain in our parents’ eyes and wonder what they could have done to deserve this kind of treatment from you.  I hear them speak in terms of pain and anguish concerning your absence and your apparent abhorrence of your own family.

I am writing this letter not because I wish to stand in judgment of you.  I am writing this letter to ask questions.  It is my hope that you will answer those questions for yourself and will act accordingly.  I believe your quests for secular success and for a position of religious prestige are blinding you to the reality of life.

According to The Dhammapada, the Buddha once said, "There is happiness in life, happiness in friendship, happiness of a family, happiness in a healthy body and mind, …but when one loses them, there is suffering."

Can’t you see the suffering you’re causing your family by being such a pitiful, selfish, mean-spirited shell of a man?

Offer your excuses to someone else.  Either be a son or change your last name and be forever more nothing but a bad memory.

3 thoughts on “Be a son or be gone”

  1. I'm sorry, too, that we're not closer.  After being asked by one to go to a gay bar with some baseball bats so we could do some gay-bashing and ignored by the other even when I was trying to contact him about Mom & Dad being so sick and financially overwhelmed by their own medical bills, I've decided they're not worth my effort.  I have more important ways to spend my time and energy than chasing acceptance and family relationships with my own kin.

    This letter, however, was aimed more at the lies and unnecessary yet deliberate cruelty one of them has been heaping on Mom & Dad.  No family is perfect, but that kind of treatment is not acceptable regardless of the excuse used to explain it.

Leave a Reply