Restless and bored, I welcomed your arrival. The night had worn on endlessly with little to do. That meant a visitor stood out like neon against a dark boulevard.
But I didn’t want to hear what you had to say. You needed to talk, I know, but did I need to listen? For you, yes. For me, not so much.
You spoke about the end of your latest romance. The tears you wept engulfed the space between us in flooding despair. How could you possibly bare the pain… all that pain…
I held you comfortably as you laid your head on my shoulder, your sobs rocking us both on the couch, and I wiped away your tears as best I could.
With loving strokes through your hair and gentle embraces pulled tightly so that you knew you were held in loving arms, I whispered in your ear the words I thought you needed. Someone else would come along, perhaps even tomorrow. Someone new always rested just beyond the horizon, at least in your life. Things would get better. Didn’t they always?
After your tears dried and you found the comfort you needed, you kissed and hugged me with heartfelt affection. And you thanked me.
Then you returned to your world. I watched you step through the door with your back facing me in confident marching that carried you into the night. For much longer than would be considered normal did I stand in the open doorway as I looked after you, out into the night, at the empty sidewalk that carried your scent long after you were gone.
When I was sure you had found your strength and it had carried you back out into the world, I shut myself up once again and turned. As I looked around the apartment, its emptiness hurt me.
The lake welcomed me almost every single day as I strolled its shores and bathed in its beauty. Yet those walks always were alone.
And I thought about grabbing lunch at the local café. I dined alone in a sea of people. Mostly, I watched the couples from my table for one.
When finally I sat on the couch and reached for the remote, shock overcame me as a tear ran down my cheek. I hadn’t cried while you were here. Why did lamentations suddenly overtake me?
Then it hit me. I envied you. I envied most everyone. For while you had a shoulder to cry on and arms to fall into until you could find your own strength, I realized destiny did not deal the same hand to everyone. Some, like me, had to seek solace alone.
Only I would be there to dry my tears.