I don’t want to know

While speaking with Jenny yesterday regarding my bunny visitor over the weekend, I told her something I want to share with all of you.

I don’t want to know.  I have no intention of calling the wildlife vet to check on the rabbit’s condition.

That’s not to say I have no interest in the small creature’s welfare.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

But what is essential to understand is that I can’t deal with more dark clouds in my world.  There is no way I can handle the emotional trauma that might exist at the other end of the phone should I make that call.

So I won’t be dialing.  Not this time.

Don’t assume for a moment that you can comprehend why that’s an essential decision.  Don’t even pretend to think of me as a heartless coward unwilling to face the reality of my efforts.

If those are your feelings, piss off.

I have enough on my plate right now to choke even the most hungry of elephants.  My mind and heart are overwhelmed with obligations and concerns too numerous to list.

When it comes to that poor dear bunny, I did my best.  I protected it from a world that surely would have killed it.  I provided it with the sustenance I had on hand.  I fell wholly in love with it the moment I saw it and realized what it was and how much trouble it was in.

Now I can’t stand the thought of what truth might rest on the other side of such an inquiry.

I can’t handle it.  I couldn’t.  And I won’t.

Allow me the peace of mind in the assumption that all is well.  Let me ignore the possibility of horror.  Don’t force on me any realization other than what I hope to be true.

There’s no way I could survive the heartbreak.

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