A continuity of gray

A walk this morning at White Rock Lake bewilders the eye with a world far removed from color save that evident around my feet.  Earth and sky meet in an endless gray fog draped over existence.

Winter too often confuses the unobservant with its deceptive looks: a landscape barren and harsh, once bright colors washed away by mellow tones of brown.  Hidden within this stark realm, however, the observant soul can find the continuity of seasons in every bud, every seed, every sleeping marvel that waits for spring.

Yet this fog, this vaporous atmosphere that rests against the skin like a cold washcloth, this air that can be felt and touched as much as breathed. . .

Well, a new continuity presents itself.  All things take on the shape of gray both near and far.  Only before each footstep can even the slightest wisp of color be found, and then only if one looks no further than an outreached hand.  Beyond that existence melts away in that ether where the sky has swallowed the world.

Distant shores become dreams, ghostly specters dancing in the clouds.

Fog draped over the lake and distant tree-lined shore

Light comes from all directions.  Only by knowing where the southeastern sky is can I identify that place in which the sun should hang this late hour.  Sunrise occurred much earlier, yet no sign of our lonely star can be seen.  Its brightness is scattered and reflected until it comes from everywhere and nowhere.  Shadows do not exist in this place except where they dance in the all-consuming gray.

Things familiar transform into things unfamiliar, apparitions of demons longing to take flight, to swarm above and about me, to carry me away to unearthly doom.

Double-crested cormorants amassed in a fog-draped tree

When finally I reach that place so well known to me, the sailing club resting in view of the Big Thicket, I find the gray has consumed all but the nearest vessels.  Standing upon the pier within a stone’s throw of ships at rest, they offer nothing more than escape further away from what is seen.  Shrouded in mystery, they silently beckon for recognizable shorelines which remain cloaked.

Nearby sailboats moored on the fog-covered lake

Those further from me offer even less promise.

Distant sailboats moored on the fog-covered lake

What glorious beauty is this world of unyielding shades, this world where hues change only in brightness but not color.  Even the difference between light and dark rests hidden within singular tints of sameness.  While others might find it boring or obscured, I find it breathtaking and magnificent.

I hope someday to return to this vision, to partake of its stunning winter beauty hidden deep within a continuity of gray.

[please note additional photos remain from this morning’s spectacular, mood-filled walk; also important is that none of these photos have been modified outside of resizing; what you see is precisely what I saw as I wandered about the lake, and you see it just as I saw it]

Moving some, maybe all

To resolve the missing photos, I have started migrating those specific images to Flickr.  It appears to be everything posted in the last week to ten days.

Unforeseen delays will keep Zooomr offline at least until next week.  I have no more patience, so I intend to use Flickr for the time being.

Because the Zooomr fiasco has been ongoing for six months at least, and because it seems time and again that hobbled functionality and disabled photos are the day’s offerings more frequently than I care to admit, I am seriously considering a migration of all photos to Flickr.

I hate the idea, mind you, for I have no love for Yahoo! in even the slightest way.  Still, I need reliable image hosting.  Zooomr doesn’t appear quite ready to offer that, and neither do they appear quite ready to compete in the market where they want to compete.

Nevertheless, I like Zooomr and the ideas behind it, and I certainly prefer the personal-touch underdog to the uncaring behemoth.  If they can get the service to some level of reliability and usability, I’ll be happy to continue utilizing them for my picture hosting.

Problematic pictures

Much to my surprise—and certainly contrary to what was said—most of the photographs on this site have gone MIA.  To wit: “[W]e plan to have both Web and Static photos online for your viewing pleasure.”

Not so much.

While Zooomr moves to a new data center and prepares to implement another major upgrade, many of my images have been rendered inaccessible.

To say I’m a bit peeved is to understate matters tremendously.  This certainly is not what was promised.

However, the other side of that coin is that Zooomr is still in beta, it’s a free service for me even with a Pro account, and most importantly, I’m usually one to cheer for the underdog.  Trying to compete with Flickr (and therefore Yahoo) represents a very large challenge, one I hope to see come to fruition with success once all the wrinkles are ironed out.

If the migration schedule means anything, these troubles should only last another three days or so, give or take timezones and unforeseen hiccups.  If the migration schedule means anything, that is.

Meanwhile, I’ve made sure my Flickr account is still active and have verified its Pro status.  If my hand is forced, I’ll begin transferring older images there even as I begin using it as my hosting provider.

I hope that’s unnecessary.  Time will tell.

For now, like me, please be patient as Zooomr completes this upgrade and migration.  If all goes well, things will return to normal in the next few days.  If not. . .

[Update] As luck would have it. . .  The digital ink hadn’t even dried on this post before all the photos reappeared and started working again.  Now let’s see how the rest of this process goes.

[Update 2] And as of now, all the photos are unavailable.  I can only tolerate this for a brief amount of time. . .

[Update 3] Now only recent photos are missing.  I should just sit quietly and wait while the migration and upgrade take place.  Watching images disappear and reappear will drive me nuts.  I mean more nuts.

Great tail you have there!

Another in my series of reintroductions using the new camera. . .

Great-tailed grackles (Quiscalus mexicanus) are ubiquitous around these parts.  They represent year-round inhabitants of Texas, and usually in large numbers that explode in winter.

The largest of all grackle species, they get their name from one very important fact: they have very long tails, the length of which is greater than that of any other black-colored bird.

Raucous, unruly, loud, and generally considered a pest, I find this species both fascinating and noteworthy.  I’m just weird that way, I guess, though I’ve explained less flippantly before much of my fascination with these avian beauties.

A male great-tailed grackle (Quiscalus mexicanus) runs over the frozen ground bathed in morning light

A male great-tailed grackle runs over the frozen ground bathed in
morning light.  Notice how the early sunlight brings out the iridescent
color of its plumage.  Oh, and check out that tail!

A male great-tailed grackle (Quiscalus mexicanus) prances along the shore of White Rock Lake in search of food

A male great-tailed grackle prances along the shore of White Rock Lake
in search of food.  The yellow of its eyes differentiates it from its
closest cousin—along with its size.

A female great-tailed grackle (Quiscalus mexicanus) higher in the tree shows she has the same marvelous tail, albeit attached to a brown body

A female great-tailed grackle higher in the tree shows
she has the same marvelous tail, albeit attached to
a brown body.  Notice how much smaller she is than
her male counterparts further below.

A male great-tailed grackle (Quiscalus mexicanus) scours the frozen grass for breakfast

A male great-tailed grackle scours the frozen grass for
breakfast.  His frost-encrusted beak and yellow eye paint a
magic picture at sunsrise.  And did anyone else notice the
claw attached to that foot?

A male and a female great-tailed grackle (Quiscalus mexicanus) join several rock doves (a.k.a. common pigeon; Columba livia) enjoying a breakfast handout

For a bit of scale on this avian behemoth: a male and a female great-
tailed grackle join several rock doves (a.k.a. common pigeon; Columba livia)
enjoying a breakfast handout.  He stands behind the whole scene while she
bends down on the right to sample the offering.  These are indeed large
birds, he much more so than she.

[the larger versions of these photos show even more detail, including the ice covering the dry grass in the fourth image]

Between the shadow and the soul

Thoughts of Henry today, and Derek.  Thoughts of Aunt Jan and Uncle Charlie.  Thoughts of those lost.  And those soon to be lost.

Stumbling in a dark place of torment, a place between the shadow and the soul where true love exists, defined not by three words, not by action, not by thought, but defined only by being.

Here rest memories of loves taken, loves betrayed, and loves still before me.

My mind finally circles to a quote I read some time ago on another blog.  It read, “The only guaranteed protection against the torment of grief is to never love another individual, and those who make this choice walk down a silent road on their way to nowhere.”[1]

I rock gently in my own embrace, those words echoing in my mind as my heart aches for that which can never be regained.

Then I begin to fear for that which has yet to be lost but most surely will be so in time.

I open my eyes.

Kazon sitting in front of a window where sunshine is streaming in behind him

Kazon sits and watches me, his golden eyes “ablaze as they [pierce] me to the core, to the very part of me that defines who I am.  And I, in my weak and human way, [stare] back, my eyes empty save the love I [feel] for him, like that as a father feels for a child.

“I [melt] in that moment, in those eyes, in the love that [hangs] heavy between us and [makes] the air thick with affection.  It [lies] upon me like wet cotton resting against bare skin.  This child, this feline, this predator who so ably controls my every whim with but a look from those golden eyes… he [holds] my essence in his view on a burning cold day with nothing but sunbeams defining the time.”

I will not travel the silent road to nowhere.  I will gladly succumb to the pain and anguish, time and time and time again, and I will do so intentionally, and I will seek that torment’s precursor in new loves until it is I who am lost to others.

So I shout in my mind to silence the emptiness that bemoans what once was.  Even as the thoughts of what death has taken finally disappear back into the night from which they came, I tremble briefly at the thought of losing more.

— — — — — — — — — —

[1] First seen here and attributed to C.R.H.