Ancestor of pigeons

Domestic and wild pigeons descend from a single predecessor.  Rock doves (a.k.a. common pigeons; Columba livia) first inhabited Europe and Asia as native species, but as with many creatures inadvertently or intentionally introduced around the globe, this avian toughie found its way to the New World and learned to survive in urban and rural settings.  In fact, it thrived.

Named for its proclivity for nesting on cliff faces and steep rock structures where predators found it difficult to locate and invade the nests, this bird represents the living ancestor of pigeons.

That fact is not lost on humans who often refer to rock doves as common pigeons, or even rock pigeons in uninformed circles.

White Rock Lake, as well as all of Dallas, boasts a flourishing society of these beasts.  They can be found everywhere.

And scarcely do they fear humans.

A dule of Rock doves (a.k.a. common pigeons; Columba livia) perched high in a tree

Standing where no one dares stand for too long, I realized the dule[1] of doves above my head cared little for my milling about beneath them.  Their perch high in the tree on a sunny day allowed them to tend to grooming in safety while perusing the landscape for breakfast.

But what a gregarious species they are, often sharing their personal space with other birds as well as humans.  On a bright winter morning as I stood upon my favorite pier in Sunset Bay, I learned this fact with personal experience.

Rock doves (a.k.a. common pigeons; Columba livia) and ring-billed gulls (Larus delawarensis) milling about a pier in morning sunlight

Adult and juvenile ring-billed gulls (Larus delawarensis) staked their claim to wooden planks where rock doves also demanded their share.  Neither seemed bothered by the other.

Yet as I stood quietly snapping photos, this so-called “common pigeon” demonstrated not only its lack of fear of other birds, but also its lack of fear of me.

Several walked right up the pier toward land, toward where I stood.

A rock dove (a.k.a. common pigeon; Columba livia) walking toward me along the edge of a pier

With movements so small as to be imperceptible, I maintained my position while capturing image after image while these doves treated me as they would a tree trunk.  They came so close that I could have reached down and touched one.  Had I been so inclined that is.

Not once did they spook at my turning to and fro, snapping pictures almost constantly.

A close-up of a rock dove (a.k.a. common pigeon; Columba livia) standing in bright morning sunlight

And the sunshine provided perfect lighting (I mean with the right lens filters).  No camera flash could ever come close to being this real, this colorful, this photogenic.

To share in complete honesty, I kept having to zoom out in order to get respectable scenes.  All the while they carried on with their business as though I didn’t exist.

How I loved the idea of that, of being there without being a threat, of standing amidst their activities without them caring either way about my presence.

Something delectable rests on the tip of the tongue when nature fails to see us as a threat—when we truly are not a threat.

Whether or not I am at risk from them lies somewhere in the realm of irrelevancy.  Only when they are who and what they should be can I reach that magical place where the cosmos unfolds life a carpet meant solely for my footsteps.

Such a place exists for so few people.  Too many rush through the landscape assuming their own superiority, their own dominion over that which they do not understand or appreciate.

A close-up of a rock dove (a.k.a. common pigeon; Columba livia)

Animals sense this, methinks, and react accordingly.

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[1] “Dule” is the collective noun for a group of doves.

Questing

Move.  Relocation, I mean, from hell to heaven.

Too much endurance stands betwixt the now I hate and the then I want.  Too many tasks demanding attention, too much employment dangling the carrot of income in front of this struggling mule who wants something more.

Time with The Kids seems all but selective, a pinch here mixed with a dash there.  They forgive me, yes, but my soul is stabbed time and again with the want in their eyes, the cherished calls of lonely voices lamenting time not had with Daddy.

Novels?  The first one remains unfinished, stuck in a preliminary rewrite that never ends, each word dashed upon rocks of day-to-day torment called survival.  Many more lie in wait begging for nourishment from my overtaxed imagination.  They despise me, these writs, for they need what I have so little of.

Books lie half unread or as yet unopened on tarmacs where flights of fancy once visited with regularity.

Lives await at the family farm, those no one else seems to love yet who need that which we all require.  They remain the forgotten few, the familiars cast aside by selfishness and utter disregard.

A longing wells up within me, a desire for that so few appreciate, a need within me so powerful as to be the driving force behind each breath.  I long to spread my wings and flit through the air of rurality, meanwhile forsaking the urban being that for too long has held me within its grasp.

Spirits great and wild beg of me that which I have not to give.  Nevertheless, they take what they can, accept the minimum and shower upon me gratitude immeasurable.  What is wild remains unfettered by man-made contraptions built of minds unscathed by loss, yet appreciate those same minds such beasts do…and I fall under their spells time and again.

So what of dreams cast upon the stones of the eternal shore, rent piece by piece upon time’s altar?  What of the unspeakable quests to which we all commit ourselves?

For me, anyway, I keep going, keep questing.

Behold profound expressions of love

Grendel sitting on the floor and staring up at me

Silence knows not these eyes.  They
speak volumes
in every glance,
in each unblinking stare
punctuated with a tail’s twitch.

Your voice only
I know.
Understand.
Hear fully.

What desires fly in waning light
are incomprehensible to
all but the me of your life,
the I of our bond,
and
the we of this love.

Speak nothing and
still I know what you think.
Look yon and
still I feel your thoughts
as though
cut upon my flesh
with predator’s claws.

No other can know.
What?
Precisely.

[Grendel]

Wounded

Blood.  Puss.  Missing hair.

More than that, though.  Much more.

Sometimes unable to walk correctly.  Rapid movement, like running or leaping, even more dangerous, haphazard, shaky.

I watch him closely.  He lives on my patio now, or near it, and has for more than week, so watching is easy.

It’s also painful.

The wound on his head is deep, severe, a gash through to the skull.  Maybe deeper than that, I think, if the symptoms are any indication.

And another on the back of his neck.  The hair seems intent on remaining absent, a spot of bare skin with an equal on the other side, a perfect match for something attacking and choosing that spot for carnage.

But the head wound bothers me most.

When he tries to run, it’s all scrambling and slipping.

When he walks…sometimes…it’s all falling and stumbling.

Ear torn from the attack, I’m sure, as it appeared at the same time as the other wounds.

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But he remains sweeter than honey, wrapping himself around my legs at every opportunity, rubbing against me like sandpaper in a woodworker’s hand, always eager for affection.

Still, the worry remains.

I first thought he had rubbed against wet paint, what with the smear of color across his head.  Only after a bit of time did I realize it was a sign of infection, puss rubbed across his ear and eye, a beige indication of the wound I had not yet learned to appreciate.

And that voice.  Raspy, child-like, a whisper from a being capable of so much more.  A worrisome reminder of something taken from this predator.

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Yet so full of love, so full of affection.

And confidence.

He pranced through the bedroom door one night as though he lived here.  Perhaps he already does.

But followed me he did, a confident master sure of his universal superiority.

Still, the worry remains.  Worry for the wounded, for the signs of what is amiss, for the apparent harm to which this beautiful creature has succumbed.

No room in the inn, though, no room at all.  Not financially, for certain, and emotionally…  Well, I lament my own inability.

Lament being the operative term, however, for doing anything less might indicate I lacked the bandwidth to care for another.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Perhaps that’s the problem.  This poor soul, this wounded beast…how needful its path, how obvious its desire, how lacking its existence.

I have the means and will.  I simply lack the financial ability, not to mention the living arrangements.

So I care for the wounded by the only means available.

That doesn’t seem enough.

[al-Zill]

Five years and counting

Today marks the fifth anniversary of my blog.

While many incarnations draw the line betwixt the past and the present, this extension of my personal journaling remains a living, breathing, changing expression of who I am.

There are times when I’d prefer to give it up, to put it aside in lieu of other endeavors.

There are times when I wouldn’t leave it for all the money in the world.

So welcome to the beginning of year six.

Let’s see how it goes.