I know this note is long overdue in coming, and for that I apologize.

Water crashes rhythmically against the rocks as the mist gently sprays against my face blending the ocean's salty tears with my own.  The cool breeze strokes my hair making it a part of the night.  Alone, but for once in my life not caring whether I see another face.

My marked feet trail off into the sand, longing to follow the siren's call into the blue, but stopping short of the waves which now dance about my ankles.

They say the sea helps one to forget, but, alas, the night and the salty breeze only summon your memory from the depths of where I last tried to lay it to rest.

I toss a stone into the water and regret that I had not a copper penny to throw instead, to place a wish upon.

So many regrets now occur to me.  One, the obvious, that I am without you.  The second — far more complex — that you became someone I do not know.  And the third and most painful — that I'd rather live off your memory than to see you as who you have become.

I know.  Yes, I have seen reality as it has been presented to me — that you and I are not the same people.  But I am saddened because all the love in the world can't change the past or alter the present that we have chosen for ourselves.

I feel it would be most unwise for us to begin dating again.  Too much has been said and too much has been done on both our parts.  We're just too serious together.  I can't handle getting emotionally involved and then — well, you know.

You once gave me some good advice, so let me pass it back to you.  As much as it may hurt, you've got to face reality.

I once had so much faith and trust in you.  In my eyes you did no wrong, everything you did was justifiable, everything you touched gold.  Love is so madly blind, isn't it?  But growing up opened my eyes.

I can't be in love with a dream or a figment of what was.  I used to love the innocent you.  It was wonderful.  Then you became a user.  You used me when no one else was around to satisfy you.  I was always second-best and I knew it.  Well, I can't be that anymore.

I'm sorry.  I let you go a long time ago.  I think it's time you did the same.

[circa 1989]

I've added a new topic called Miscellany.  I've decided to use this area as a container for the various writings I've put together throughout my life.  They all fall into such varied and bizarre categories and take on the form of poetry, prose, letters to others, and so on.  I've been an avid writer since I was in my early teens, so I have a somewhat unbelievable collection of interesting memories (and related texts) that I've put together over time.  I'll be sifting through it all and posting items here that I believe are presentable and that still seem to strike a chord with me today.

As you've undoubtedly heard, the US Supreme Court on June 26 struck down an anti-sodomy law in Texas.  This is one of those issues that most people will have an opinion on — whether they are happy or upset about the ruling.  I think the decision was long overdue.

The Texas "Homosexual Conduct Statute" (Texas Penal Code section 21.06) goes as follows.

§ 21.06. Homosexual Conduct

(a) A person commits an offense if he engages in deviate sexual intercourse with another individual of the same sex.

(b) An offense under this section is a Class C misdemeanor.

The code goes on to define "deviate sexual intercourse" as follows.

§ 21.01. Definitions

In this chapter:

(1) "Deviate sexual intercourse" means:

(A) any contact between any part of the genitals of one person and the mouth or anus of another person; or

(B) the penetration of the genitals or the anus of another person with an object.

(2) "Sexual contact" means, except as provided by Section 21.11, any touching of the anus, breast, or any part of the genitals of another person with intent to arouse or gratify the sexual desire of any person.

(3) "Sexual intercourse" means any penetration of the female sex organ by the male sex organ.

Editor's Note: For reference, Section 21.11 referred to above is the penal code which defines Texas' "Indecency With a Child" statute, just in case you thought I was leaving something important out of the discussion.

So, now we know that Texas' sodomy law had nothing to do with sodomy and everything to do with homosexual acts (any law dealing strictly with sodomy would not single out homosexual behavior as criminal while making the same activity between heterosexual couples legal).

The Supreme Court struck down the law based on two different aspects of its unconstitutional nature — privacy and equal protection.

On the privacy issue, they agreed that any sexual act between two consenting adults should not be relegated to a crime by a legislative body with too much time on its hands.

On the equal protection issue, the argument was clear — homosexuals were singled out as a class of persons under this statute by only making their sodomy illegal.

Of course, Texas is a funny place, since Texas law does not define bestiality as a "deviate" activity.

I hail the court's decision on this issue since the Texas law (and that of Kansas, Oklahoma and Missouri — all with homosexual discrimination defined as a legal act — and Alabama, Florida, Idaho, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, Utah and Virginia — all of which made any act of sodomy illegal) were attempts by narrow-minded, puritanical right-wingers to govern the intimate acts of consenting adults.

For those out there with little or nor brain capacity left, you're likely wondering why "those homos" should be allowed to have sex anyway.  I can hear you saying it now — "It just ain't natural."

My first response would be to tell you to eat shit and die, but I'll stay on topic instead.

For many years, our laws counted African-Americans as only three-fifths of a person.  These laws were eventually repealed as we progressed and learned that we were wrong.

Likewise, our country, having been founded by religious cults so puritan in thought that French kissing was even outlawed, desperately needs to pull itself out of the morally-bankrupt quagmire which it is drowning in.  These laws have long been justified as attempts to maintain the moral high-road in society, yet they are defined by politicians — not exactly known for their moral fortitude.

And regardless of that mind-bender, the issue at hand is equality and privacy.  The Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution clearly dictates that all people are to receive the same protections under the law.

The Texas law has long been used to assault the rights of homosexual members of society with regards to employment, child custody and visitation, and many other aspects of life.  When it's known that you are gay, it can be assumed that, given the law, you must be engaging in illegal activity.  This is a below-the-belt weapon that should never have been passed, but this is Texas.

The Court's decision is a welcome declaration that indeed all people are equal and that the law needs to keep it that way.

As the right wing of this country scrambles to decry this decision and point out that the downfall of American society is at hand, remember that it is this same fanatical base of mindless automatons that declared the very same thing when women were given the right to vote, when African-Americans were granted all rights any American is entitled to, and when French kissing was made legal.

I should be getting back to normal with site updates now.  I've spent the last week installing and configuring the operating system and all of the applications after I trashed my PC working on an issue for work.  Needless to say, I solved the problem for work, but I totally demolished my own computer while I was at it.  Although things still aren't back the way they were, I do have almost everything installed and working again.  I've got some articles I'm already working on as this week has been an interesting one.  Stay tuned…

There won't be any site updates for a few days (that means no Random Thought updates as well).  I've been hacking the hell out of my main workstation at home trying to solve a problem for work.  Well, as fate would have it, I finally trashed the PC entirely and am having to rebuild it — starting with a clean install of the OS.  Until I get everything installed and functioning again, I don't even have access to my Random Thoughts database to publish updates.  Hopefully it'll only take me a few days to complete.  My main concern is to get everything installed and working again, then I'll go back and get the configuration set the way I want it.  I'll get back to regular updates as quickly as possible.

Only recently have I realized that the person I've been lately is nothing more than a façade — a false representation of myself effected as a courtesy to others.  It's as if I've interpolated what society expects from me into the person I want others to think I am.  What's most shocking about it is that most people are this way — speciously correct in the eyes of society while they hide in shadows and live their real life behind closed doors, while I've never been that way until I took this job.  Honestly, I've grown to miss the real Jason.

Before I took the job I have now, everyone knew me — the real me.  I was visible.

The real me took chances and had no time for superficial niceties.  He did not prevaricate nor equivocate.  Now I dance around conversations like a ballerina walking on hot coals, and all to ensure that I'm accepted by those who have the power to hurt me.

There was a time when the real me anesthetized my logic and kept me above such imitation.  That aspect of me stayed on top of life and was like an open nerve — immediately and honestly responsive to everything and everyone, not caring who took offense, not being bothered by the small-minded morality or expectations of the world at large.

I enjoyed the wonderful tension created by sliding into uncomfortable subjects with people, much too proud to give a damn what others thought.

I was me, the me I truly am, the me I am comfortable with, the me that exists when the façades are washed away.

There was nothing I wouldn't do to get a laugh or to push the envelope.  There was no subject too controversial to be discussed, nothing left unsaid out of concern for the overactive sensitivities of the world ready to sue because they were offended.  Now I carefully weigh each and every word before it comes out of my mouth.

Outside of work, I'm still very much me.  I'm still very much the same person, the man who doesn't care what others think of me, the person who finds interest in diversity, the man who celebrates differences and finds nothing offensive (well, nothing except egg plant and sweet potatoes).

You might be wondering by now what brought all of this on.  It's something that has been on my mind quite a bit lately.  I've driven home quite often over the last few months wondering how much the people I work with really think they know about me — how much they really think they know me.

Oh, I suppose some of them think they have me figured out while others couldn't care less.  There are those, as in all companies, who simply care about appearances and couldn't care less who you really are.  To my dismay, these are the people most often in positions of power.

The truth is that I hate pretending to be someone I'm not just so I don't rock the boat around a bunch of folks who seem as intolerant as they are prude.  I just want to be me, the person I set aside to work in a place that treats employees like commodities rather than assets.

After all, if we can't be ourselves because we must fit in, the world is beyond hope and not worth saving.  It's our differences that make us who we are.  When we're forced to fit in a mold determined too long ago by people who are already dead, what does it say about our society to be so inflexible, so stagnate, so uninteresting?

To conform to the "norm" is to be a mindless automaton, a worthless lump of flesh and bone, a follower.  To conform is to be nothing.

Wow!  I've been so busy with work that I've had no time for anything else.  Who said personal lives were necessary?  Oh, that would be me.  After a recent acquisition and plenty of time-consuming projects popping up, I've been quite snowed under.  I'll get around to some updates on the site, and I'm still working on a new theme (being artistically challenged slows me down, though…).  Life would be so much easier if I could just win the lottery.  Well, having a healthy fantasy life isn't all bad, right?

One of the fine folks I work with forwarded this link to me the other day.  Aside from being a clear indication that he doesn't have enough work to do, the premise of the experiment in question — as well as the results — certainly do give one pause as well as a healthy laugh.  Once you read it, you'll never view signing a credit card slip the same again.

To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.

If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.

But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.

If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.

If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.

Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely,

The CAT

[via Jenny]

Well, it's Friday the 13th.  After the last several weeks I've had, I wouldn't be surprised if some supernatural force took today as an opportunity to wreak havoc and bloodshed around me.  I've never believed in karma or fate since I believe life is what we make of it rather than what someone or something has predetermined it to be.  However, I've been totally abused these last half-dozen weeks by work and feel that I must have killed someone really important in a previous life and am now reaping the oats of that event.  It's been one emergency after another around the office, and my life has sadly taken a back seat to the increased workload.  Given today's date and using the last few weeks as an indicator, nothing would surprise me at this point — except for things getting better.