This is a letter I wrote to Rick about eight years ago.  He's never seen it as it was meant more as a personal outlet than a declaration to be shared.

After I wrote These are the words I never speak back in March and followed that with the Relativity series in April, I've spent a lot of time considering my refractory emotions regarding Rick.  Needless to say, nothing has changed.  So it was with some pleasure that I remembered this letter and decided now was a perfect time to include it here.

I suppose what remains so interesting about this letter is its applicability today versus when it was written eight years ago.  As I read through it this morning in preparation to post it here, I realized how so very little things have changed in that time.  I could have written this today.  My feelings for him, ab ovo through the present, have not diminished or changed despite their sometimes abstruse existence.

Every time I think about how wonderful life is with you in it, I'm thankful for a chance to love someone as special as you.  I can't imagine life without your smiles, your gentle touch, or your understanding hugs.  You bring out the best in me so easily.  You draw to the surface all that I am and can be — the potential within.  You relax and comfort me just by being yourself, by being with me.  It just wouldn't be the same not having you to be with at the end of a long, hard day.

Every time I think about how much fun we have together, I'm thankful for your wonderful sense of humor.  You always know just what to do to make me laugh.  Even when I was in a bad mood you could lift my spirits with nothing more than one of your wonderful smiles.  Our relationship doesn't require pretenses or machinations.  It doesn't require maintenance or monitoring.  It's as comfortable as a blanket fresh from the dryer.

Every time I think about how happy you make me, I'm thankful for the chance to know you.  It doesn't matter whether we are talking seriously, laughing at a private joke, or just enjoying a comfortable silence, we can enjoy each other's company without having to entertain one another.  When we don't want to deal with the drama of everyday life, we can slip easily into each other's company and savor the reassurance that neither of us has to prove anything.  We enjoy being together because we enjoy who the other person is, not who we want them to be or who they want us to be.  I love being with you.

Every time I think about how much I love you, I realize how lucky I am to share a part of your life and to have you in mine.  I would not trade a moment of knowing you for all the riches in the world.  My feelings for you run deep and have carved a place for you in my heart which cannot be filled by any other.  Even if we are never to be more than friends, I am a better man with you in my life.

I am thankful for the gift of knowing you.

[circa 1996]