Wow.  Where do I start?

I'm embarrassed that I got caught, that there is some online portion of me that, while I've said such things to Rick directly, I've never put into terms that equal what is here on my site.

Now that I made a specific incident out of directing him to the pictures of Wylie I just posted, not to mention telling him (intentionally?) that I've talked about him here, I have opened Pandora's box and will never be able to close it again.

There was a certain level of security inherent with the fact that, although I've revealed much on this site, it includes a certain amount of catharsis which I have not directly or clearly shared with Rick.  No, I don't think he's misguided as to how I feel about him, but there is undoubtedly a fair amount of detail and emotional discourse here that I've not said in the non-digital world.  This isn't hiding anything — it's nothing more than writing in detail what I've casually mentioned.

What does this mean?  Nothing bad, of that I can assure you.  My relationship with Rick is much deeper than that; our friendship, first and foremost, is stronger than that.  There's also a certain sexual tension shared between us, something we're both aware of, have acted on, and will continue to act upon.  I've mentioned that before, so don't start "oohing" and "aahing" about it.  Leave that to me!

I do feel as though I've been caught with my britches down…  Well, OK, that's probably not the best comparison to make under the circumstances, n’est-ce pas?  That's probably more like wishful thinking, for both of us, but that's another story.

Still, I'm blushing — a rare occasion for me.  I feel like I've now helped him over the last wall surrounding me, my heart, my life.  I feel completely exposed.  I feel that there remain no further barriers between what has been kept internal and what has already been revealed.

I don't know that the direct revelation of my online ramblings, specifically those about him, will have any impact on my relationship with Rick.  In fact, I suspect it will only solidify his suspicions and general impression about my feelings for him.  I also think it's not going to hurt a damn thing.

Quite the contrary…