To continue the line of thought started with Inter spem et metum…

I just returned from taking Wylie for a long walk at the lake, time filled with Frisbee fun and undisturbed, quiet contemplation.  It was like fading into the background noise of dawn’s zephyr.

Within depths hitherto unknown to me struggles some long forgotten beast, a wounded and suffering creature, a thing striving not to drown in its own tears of torment.

Failing to comprehend this disposition, searches of id, ego, and superego lay fruitless in a wasteland of reflection.  What vexes me so?

Answers elude me.  Weight heretofore unfamiliar besets me sans explanation.  It is a mysterious place that I have gone to in recent weeks, an alien landscape of fatigue and worry and sorrow.  It is the smothering of self in places to which I dare not go yet which already surround me.

I stand perplexed and unguided, tossed about by tumultuously uncontrolled feelings riding high upon my own bewilderment.  Where is this place?  Why am I here?

Is it too much Animal Planet with the contemptible ups and downs in the likes of Animal Precinct, The Little Zoo That Could, Animal Planet Heroes, Emergency Vets, Growing Up…, and similar programs demonstrable of both the admirable best and horrifically worst of humanity?  Is it my continuing and growing concern for both Chira and Vazra?  Or is the oppressive heat zapping me of strength?  Is it concern over sudden estrangement from a few?  Perhaps something else entirely?

This conundrum befuddles me.  For reasons I fail to understand, a frustrating slowness of mind plagues my every thought while a dispirited cloak of sadness envelopes my essence.  Have I become lost?

Even now I cling to the last vestiges of answers I can not grasp as they elude me, and I stand exposed in the radiant fire of unknowing.  I live as dead and breathe as buried whilst the core of me dances unseen in shadows deep.

Thing by cherished thing slips away from me.  Witnessed plodding and devastation of my nature engender unease and cataclysmic apprehension.

In light of this darkness, blogging in the next few — or even several — days will undoubtedly embrace less prolific thoughts and will instead delve only into those topics of more shallow origins.  Imaginably, I suspect at the heart of the matter is a certain sense of cognitive and emotional fatigue, the indescribable malaise of the spirit if you will, and reaching the surface for breath and light increasingly eludes my capabilities.

I therefore preemptively beg your pardon while I seek to recharge my life batteries through introspection and contemplation.  As I focus on this solipsistic endeavor to understand this unaccounted force acting against me, what is presented here will undoubtedly be of a more undemanding nature.

Lend me your patience.