In a battle of wills between Satan and The Bitch, who do you think comes out the loser?  I do!  How’d that happen?  Well, let me tell you.

Allow me to begin with a statement of the obvious: there is absolutely no love lost between these two cats.  I’ve always believed Kako hates Loki because she thinks he’s prettier than she is.  Loki, on the other hand, doesn’t help the situation by being so mischievous and devious and downright evil.  So back to my tale…

Kako was comfortably resting on the center platform of the cat castle.  Loki was sitting on my desk grabbing a drink of ice water from my glass.  When he finished, he wanted to make his way to one of the top platforms on the castle where he could rest (all of them love those spaces since they’re about six feet [two meters] high and generally isolated, something cats love).  He sat at the edge of the desk looking at the platform he wanted and glancing uneasily at Kako.  She was in the way.  He’s no fool and knew she wouldn’t let him pass without a fight.

In fact, as he readied himself to make a run for the spot he wanted, she sat up and began giving him the what-for he obviously deserved for even thinking he should consider such a move.  It was the angry growl and howl of a cat ready for a fight and willing to defend a position regardless of cost.  I sat in my chair and watched and listened.  While I wouldn’t normally intervene so long as it didn’t get ugly, I was ready to step in the middle of it if necessary.

Anyway, Loki judges the distance correctly and leaps.  He easily crosses the expanse between desk and castle with the agility I’ve come to appreciate in him.  He’d put almost all other cats to shame in that regard, and this maneuver proved it.  He went right over her head and landed on the top platform with ease.  It was a sizable jump both up and across.

She watched him fly overhead and immediately reacted.  Before he could even lie down, she started swinging and hissing and generally being herself: very unpleasant.  I’m laughing but trying to watch them so I can be certain it doesn’t go overboard (Loki doesn’t need excessive excitement even if he doesn’t realize it).  She swings; he takes the bait because he’s faster, stronger, and on higher ground.  He flops over on his side and makes himself comfortable while he rotates his entire body so that he can swing at her over the edge.  In the meantime, she’s making such a fuss that you’d have thought she was being beaten.  Typical.  But his position was superior.  The platform was between them, so only his paw had to be exposed in order to hit her where she stood below.

I watch them do this silly little thing where she’s just really pissed off and wants to make a point even though there’s no chance she’ll score in this battle.  He, on the other hand, is rather enjoying his many advantages and casually swings at her from time to time in response if she gets too close.  Her anger builds and I can tell she’s not going to let it go, and even as I stand to intervene, she stands on her hind legs to try for a better strike.  She perhaps lands one or two blows to his five or six.  It only serves to increase her rage.

By the time I step around the desk and over to the castle, I’m laughing so hard I can barely see.  I already knew she wasn’t going to win this fight.  I also knew Loki would just keep pushing her buttons and pissing her off more and more.  He likes doing that, if I’ve not already made that clear.  Devious little bastard…

I stand next to both of them and tell them to stop it, and I focus especially on her and make it clear she started it and needs to stop.  Meanwhile, Loki leans over the edge of the parapet he’s on and takes a casual swing at her as though making the point that she’s in trouble and he’s defending himself and the fight ends with him winning anyway, as though that was ever in doubt.  I turn toward him and tell him it’s not appreciated that he’s trying to goad her into more violence so she gets in trouble and he gets to kick her ass.

How does she respond?  She really goes after him.  It’s all swinging and ugliness and hissing and howling and general mayhem.  While trying to control my laughter, I fuss at her sternly and eventually try to stop her from making matters worse.  And what do you suppose she does?  She hits me.  Several times.  With claws.

I burst into uproarious laughter while I swat at her paw to make clear that’s not acceptable.  In response, she leaves a nice racing stripe on my hand before turning her attention back to the devil in black and white.  I respond with the only thing I can do; I grab her and pull her off the castle.

No, she wasn’t happy about it, but it stopped the fight and kept me from sustaining more wounds.  As I tell her she needs to be nicer (and as I internally wonder why I waste my breath), I place her atop the opposite platform across from him.  She immediately lies down and makes herself comfortable.  She throws a few minor hisses and insults at him to get the final word, but he knows he’s won.  He won’t stoop to her level.

And there they both stayed.  They eventually fell asleep without further nastiness, and I went to the bathroom to tend my wound.