Both Grendel and Loki use the Flovent HFA inhaler to control their asthma.  Loki takes it twice daily while Grendel takes it once every other day.

I just picked up a refill of it and for the first time took note of the various stickers the pharmacy puts on it.  You know the kind; they’re on every prescription and give you all the major warnings.  Avoid Direct Sunlight.  Take With Food.  Do Not Take With Food.  Do Not Chew Or Crush.  May Cause Drowsiness.  And on it goes.  My favorite?  May Cause Cranial Implosion (which generally is written as “Do Not Drive Or Operate Heavy Machinery”).

What makes the warning on this inhaler stand out is twofold: It’s for a cat, something noted directly on the prescription; The most prominent warning says to “Rinse Mouth Thoroughly After Each Use.”

Um, sure, we’ll get right on that.  Can you imagine?  Okay, listen up, Loki and Grendel.  After you take your medicine, let’s go to the water bowl, get a mouthful of water, swish it around a bit, and then spit it out.  Don’t swallow now.  You just need to clean your mouth out after using this stuff.  Got it?  Good, let’s practice a bit so Daddy can make sure you get it right.

In the meantime, they’ll be staring at me with both curiosity and embarrassment.  Their little faces will be saying “He’s freakin’ nuts!” and “What the hell is he talking about? Did he say take a drink and spit it out? Why would anyone do that?” and, at least in Loki’s case, “You try any of that funny business with me and I’ll mop the floor with your sorry ass.”

Better yet, the second warning says to “Shake Well.”  Do they mean the medication or the cat?  And again, I imagine Grendel would accept it to some degree as affection, at least until he realized it wasn’t fun, but Loki wouldn’t tolerate it for a minute and I’d wind up bruised and bleeding and beaten profusely.  It would only happen once, I assure you.