I’ve spent the last two days being absolutely miserable and in pain.  On Monday, two weeks after the move, I was walking down the hall at work when suddenly it felt like a knife stabbing through my lower back.  It progressively got worse until I could barely get out of bed Tuesday morning.  I immediately called the doctor and made an appointment.  Having had major back surgery in 1996, I don’t take back pain lightly.

I suffered for several years with increasingly severe back pain.  Since we all know someone who has a "bad back" and simply lives with it, I ignored the pain for some time assuming I would be one of those people with chronic back problems.  As the pain continued to get worse, I was missing more work and suffering debilitating pain and numbness (sometimes to the degree of having my legs disappear from under me as I lost complete control and interaction with them).

Well, that was it.  By this stage, I thought the problem was more than just the chronic back pain that even my father suffered with.

I had seen doctors off and on over that entire time, but had gladly accepted recommendations on how to sit, stand, walk, work, exercise, as well as the occasional prescriptions for pain medication or muscle relaxants.

That wasn’t going to cut it any longer.  I pursued full diagnostic testing with a neurologist and found the problem was much worse than I had anticipated.

In early 1996 I was diagnosed with focally accelerated lumbar spondylosis (fusion or decreased motion of the joints) across several intervertebral discs, moderate central spinal stenosis (assumed to be congenital), significant narrowing of the right lateral recess (called lateral recess stenosis), and degenerative disc disease.

What that all meant was that I had arthritic bone spurs developing in my spinal canal and in the spaces between the vertebrae where the nerves leave the spinal column.  These spurs were rubbing against my nerves, hence the overwhelming pain, tingling, burning, and numbness that I was experiencing.  To top it off, some of my discs were degenerating prematurely due to the bone spurs pressing against them.

Well, at least it was simple.  Because of the seriousness of the discomfort, I opted for surgery.  The treatment would consist of broad spinal canal (lumbar) decompression or laminectomy (removal of the bone spurs and associated bone material in the affected areas) and mass lateral fusion (also called posterolateral gutter fusion, this procedure is used since the decompression would leave my spine unable to support itself, so bone grafts from my hip would be used to build a new supporting bone structure).

I had the surgery in 1996, and it certainly corrected many of the problems I was having.  I’ve had a few episodes of pain and discomfort since then, but nothing that compares to what I was experiencing before.

And all of that leads me to today — when I can barely walk or move in any way and have this near overwhelming pain running down a good portion of my back.  I doubt it’s anything like what I had before (the pain is very much different), but it’s still the kind and level of pain that brings tears to my eyes.

I went to the doctor to see what could be done.  Since I couldn’t even climb the stairs at work (bad timing for elevator problems), my coworkers felt it was serious enough to kick me out of the office (it doesn’t help the work atmosphere when you can’t move well or fast and constantly have tears in your eyes that you’re trying desperately to hold back).

Doc says I’ve strained a muscle in my back and am having muscle spasms because of it.  To add insult to injury, he says that the inflamed muscles are rubbing against the nerves each time they spasm.

OK, I guess that explains it.

So I got an epidural steroid injection to provide immediate relief and was placed on pain and anti-inflammatory/muscle relaxant medications to ensure I could function.  I’m wiped out from the drugs and the pain, so I doubt I’ll be at work tomorrow.  That’s what sucks — I hate missing work and really don’t want to be out any more than is absolutely necessary.

My best friend sent this to me a few days ago.  I believe the prayers explain it all in a gender-specific style.

Women's prayer:
Before I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a man, who's not a creep
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long
One who thinks before he speaks
When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks
I pray that he is gainfully employed
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed
Pulls out my chair and opens my door
Massages my back and begs to do more
Oh!  Send me a man who'll make love to my mind
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end
and never attempt to hit on my friend
Amen.

Men's prayer:
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store.
Amen.

A friend of mine sent this to me today.  After reading it and deciding to post it here, I came across it in several places on the web (including slackercentral.com).  I wanted to share it since it's certainly an elucidation on the times we live in and where we came from.  Given how different society is now — for our protection — I'm amazed that we survived childhood.

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's or even the early 80's, probably shouldn't have survived.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.  We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.  Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.  Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.  We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.  Horrors!  We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.  We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.  After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.  No one was able to reach us all day.  No cell phones.  Unthinkable!

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.  We had friends!  We went outside and found them.

We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.  We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.  They were accidents.  No one was to blame but us.  Remember accidents?

We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.  Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.  Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.  Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.  Horrors!  Tests were not adjusted for any reason.  Our actions were our own.  Consequences were expected.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of.  They actually sided with the law.  Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.  The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.  We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.  And you're one of them!  Congratulations.

Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.

I've decided that the next piercing I want is a navel piercing.  With both nipples, both ears (one twice) and my tongue already pierced, I've been wondering where to go next.  I would love to get my eyebrow pierced, but my career doesn't always leave room for that level of self expression.  If I worked in a "dot com" environment, perhaps I could get away with it, but those companies are difficult to find and where I work isn't heading in that direction as far as I can tell.  So, I'll put the eyebrow piercing in the background for now (perhaps to come back to it later) and will get a navel piercing next.  I'll post pictures of it as soon as I have it done.