I finally had enough of being someone I wasn't, of pretending to be the same as everyone else, of trying to fit in with a self-deprecating projection of falsehood.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I've spent the last two years trying desperately to be someone else while at work.  Well, I reached my limit recently and decided that, like every other aspect of my life, my job can either like it or piss off when it comes to who I am.

I and several of the folks I work with planned a happy hour last Friday.  Work has sucked terribly of late, given an increased work load and political stress that could choke a mule, so an evening of adult beverages with folks you don't mind seeing outside of the office seemed an appropriate way to spend an evening.

I have been struggling with this entire issue of presenting a façade at work for the convenience of the few at the top — it had become an arduous travail which threatened to push my stress levels to the "Postal" end of the spectrum.  By the time Friday evening had arrived, I had concluded that the entire veneer that was Jason at work had to become a thing of the past.

When I came out to my family and friends more than 10 years ago (early 1993 according to memory), it was traumatic at best.  I struggled for quite a while with how to say that I was gay, who to tell when (and who not to tell), and what impact such a revelation would have on my life.

Suffice it to say that I'm still suffering from the repercussions of that decision (I'll be sure to cover that drama in another post).  Despite that, I am who I am and I am happiest when I don't have to pretend to be someone else.

So, I came out to the folks I work with…  Interestingly I had not done so before, considering I've not kept my sexuality a secret since I came out in 1993.

Needless to say, I'm now waiting to see what if this will change anything.

I'm a strong-willed man and have dealt with many small-minded people, including many in my own family, but I have also been pleasantly surprised by the majority of people who couldn't care less that I'm gay.  Oddly enough, most guessed it long before I admitted it, and since then I have simply been open and honest if it came up or if something I wanted to say or do was going to reveal that aspect of my life.

Admittedly this has lifted a weight off of my shoulders, one which I didn't need in my life right now.  If something goes astray because the cat is now out of the bag, I'll accept it as evidence that narrow-minded bigots do still exist and will move on.

We'll see…