I’ve decided I’ll move on down to Austin.  Despite it constantly thinning, I’ll let my hair grow free just as my spirit does the same.  I’ll find a little second-story apartment — better yet, a studio where the openness can feed my soul what it needs.  Maybe there I can find myself again.

There’ll be a little fire escape just outside the window.  I’ll sit out there on the edge of it to enjoy life as it goes by, and I’ll even feel a bit separated from the world up there.  It’ll be the best kind of destitute.

I hope the change will help me find the feelings I’m searching for, the feelings I once enjoyed but now can’t remember.

My new life there will be simple and filled only with the essentials.  I’ll give away my TV and CDs and other entertainment save the laptop for my writing.  Likewise, I won’t keep much furniture.  The bed can stay, of course, and I’ll also keep a chair and a lamp, but I don’t really see why I would need much else.

Things just aren’t what I need to find right now, and what I have is barely more than clutter in a life that needs clarity.  I’m looking for something I desperately need to find.  Unfortunately, I’m not even sure what it is I’m looking for.

Part of it is the voice that once spoke so clearly but now is muffled beneath so much.  Part of it is the me whose heart actually listened and wanted to hear.  Both formed the pattern of passion that now seems lost.

Understand there was once a me that just knew.  He was out of control to a degree that was absolutely essential.  His disregard for norms was a fire that kept me warm.

Now, the bitter cold is all I feel in the afterglow of his loss.  I don’t know where he went astray, and I don’t know why.  All I know is I need him back with me.  Waiting hasn’t worked.  It’s time to go looking.