Thanks to Coturnix for bringing this gobbledygook to my attention.  It’s the kind of haughty nonsense bloggers should never write unless they do their homework and actually know something about (a) blogging and the blogosphere, and (b) people.  The bonehead who wrote that post apparently knows nothing about the former and even less about the latter.

First, what is the vacuous rant about?  It starts with this: “Throughout my limited exposure in the blogging world, I have come across topics that seem as taboo as yelling ‘bomb’ in a movie theater.”  (Emphasis mine.)  The drivel then snowballs from mindless excrement to something that would make New York City sewers smell like a Votivo candle.  Why do I say that?  Here’s his introductory salvo: “Within this essay, I will discuss the topics that bloggers should avoid writing about at all costs. These topics consist of cats, lack of blogging, commenting, future in-laws, and a day-to-day micro-view of life.”

So you’ve no doubt already assumed by the first entry in his list that he landed on the wrong side of my particular intertube fence.  You’d be correct in that assumption.  But it’s not just me who would take issue with that; it would be a significantly large number of bloggers and blog readers who would think naming cats as a taboo blog topic to be one of the most brilliant examples of cluelessness ever to be seen in the history of mankind (one just short of George W. Bush himself).  One need only look at Modulator’s Friday Ark entries to see cats as the largest group.  Add to that the Carnival of the Cats and Weekend Cat Blogging.  Once you’ve absorbed that tidbit of reality, take a look at this primitive search for “cats” at Technorati.  You’ll see it tracks approximately 4,000 cat-related posts per day from the blogosphere.

Would anyone be so self-aggrandizing as to think they can spit in the face of that volume and say it’s a bad idea?  To take it further, could anyone be so downright stupid to say “If you’ve been reading blogs for a while, one of the topics that repeatedly gets on people’s nerves is that of cats”?  Oh, wait… that idiot said it.  But that wasn’t the end of it: “In fact, it’s a running joke among some bloggers.”  He then goes on to say people would love to hear the latest feline recipes or how the cat got electrocuted, but otherwise cat-related posts are unwelcome by most.  Need I reiterate the lack of exposure this uninformed twit has to the blogosphere as a whole?  As if he’s privy to some undercurrent on the intarweb that is anti-feline and abhors cat posts, something all the cat bloggers and cat blog readers obviously have missed.  Talk about embarrassing hubris…

But that’s not all.  He relies on the cop-out, straw man argument of “everybody thinks so” or, as he puts it, “among some bloggers” and “gets on people’s nerves.”  Where are the studies showing that?  Where are the statistics?  We can all make grandiose claims that everyone does this or thinks that, and most people use such empty bunk (see the gay marriage debate) because it requires no thought and no proof.  The best defense is to challenge his assertion, and that’s what I’m doing.  Name names, show numbers, point to studies, provide detailed search results of related blog entries, post e-mails, or do something that demonstrates he does in fact have some basis for that bullshit.  I bet he can’t.  You see, that’s the shameful refuge of those who haven’t any true sense of what they’re talking about: make stuff up, use broad strokes that have no basis in reality, and generally build a case via fiction.

Also, one must ask why he singled out cats but said nothing of dogs, ferrets, guinea pigs, birds, lizards, snakes, and a plethora of other animals.  My bet is that his brains were gouged out by a feline when he was very young, so he’s harboring some repressed anger that spilled out in this gibbering diatribe.  It’s a shame, but it happens.

What’s his next debate topic?  “There’s no real point to those ‘I can’t blog ’cause I’m too busy’ posts other than giving a cop-out for not keeping up with your blog.”  Essentially he’s saying you should never put up a post that says the real world has overwhelmed the digital world and you have to focus your efforts elsewhere for the time being.  Such balderdash means he’s never had a sick child or pet, a car accident, an explosive project at work, a sudden illness, or any other extenuating circumstance that would require a blogger to forsake posting in order to address emergent needs.  I wish my life were that perfect.  I mean, to never have anything go wrong or have anything unexpected pop up at an inopportune time would be heaven on earth.  Wow!  I’m envious, but I’m also aware that’s just a load of crap.

Then he says: “Blogging about people not commenting – or begging people to comment – is nothing short of saying to your readers that you need attention.”  My, that sounds precisely like what he’s doing (begging for attention, albeit by being a jerk), but we’ll set that aside for now and focus on this taboo blogging activity: posting something about comments.  While I can’t speak for everyone, I suspect most bloggers enjoy a certain level of interactivity with their viewing audience.  If comments go downhill for a while or you’re asking a question, I see no fault in posting something about the comment activity.  Begging for them would be unsightly, I agree, but asking why they’ve died off or if people would leave a comment on a post are both acceptable—well, in the world where I live anyway.  This is one case where care is needed, however, so it doesn’t look like pleading or desperation, but nothing in the “WWW Blogging Rule Book for Beginners” actually says you can’t bring the topic up from time to time if warranted.

Fourth on the list is discussion of those close to the blogger: friends, family, in-laws, etc.  While focused mainly on airing dirty laundry, the gist of what is said hinges entirely on a tired cliché used only by those incapable of real creative thought.  He says: “When airing your dirty laundry, do the newspaper test. If your blog entry showed up on the front page of every newspaper, would you be okay with it?”  Bah.  Is that the best litmus test he could offer?  How drab.  Setting aside we’ve already identified this writer as oblivious and incompetent, newspapers are not the major factor and the comparison lacks any applicability—not to mention originality.  Yes, it’s always wise to be thoughtful about who might read what you write, whether now or in the future, but again, we’re talking about the equivalent of an online diary, so saying any such posts are verboten is akin to declaring opinion off-limits to newspapers.  You cannot take the person out of the personal blog, so rather than draw an absolute line in the sand, why not offer useful suggestions and ways in which such posts might bite you in the ass later?  That would be more helpful than saying don’t do it, because no one’s going to listen to that advice—because it’s stupid!

The final howler is this: don’t give too much information, and that especially means if you’re just writing about how your day went.  One might easily and correctly draw a parallel between that “rule” and his entire post.  Talk about too much information from someone unprepared to discuss such things.  But putting that aside, some people blog only for the purpose of keeping a running journal of their experiences, their lives, their activities, and why do they do this?  Because their blogs are a major piece of their communication methodology with regards to those closest to them (i.e., friends and family).  How daft does one have to be not to see that?  As for the argument that giving out personal information is unwelcome in some way, that is such claptrap.  Readers are given an opportunity to relate to the blogger when personal information is shared.  The only concern is not sharing so much that you give away the keys to the kingdom (i.e., empower identity theft or other criminal activity).  Excluding that level of information, nothing is off-limits so long as it’s tempered and not overwhelming, shared in easily digested doses that pique the curiosity or interest of readers—and even that limitation is just my opinion.  Hey, if it’s not my blog, who am I to say what the blogger should and shouldn’t do?  I wish the jackass that wrote this article had asked himself that question.

He concludes with the following:

Blogging is a great way to get your thoughts out. Blogging is also great for providing information, critiquing, and starting online friendships.

However, there are some topics that should be avoided at all costs. For one, nobody really cares about your cat. People could care less about you being too busy, or the lack of comments on your blog. Also, airing dirty laundry about those closest to you is rarely a good thing. The last thing mentioned was giving readers too much information regarding your personal life.

Please choose carefully what you blog about. The sanity of your readers is at stake.

What a yawn-fest the blogosphere would be if people like this had any control.  And how foolish of this nitwit to think himself wise enough to begin laying down rules for everyone else.  He admits to having limited experience with blogging yet feels he’s ready to tell others how they should post.

Overriding all other considerations is this: blogs are personal journals, so no one—NO ONE—decides what people can and can’t post except each individual blogger (notwithstanding legal restrictions, mind you).  Everyone who keeps a blog does so for different reasons.  I personally blog for me and no one else.  It’s an exercise, an extension of my normal journal.  What I do and don’t do on this blog is of no concern to anyone else.  If I do nothing but post about my daily life, so be it.  If I post nothing but pictures of my cats, so be it.  No matter what I do, nothing is off limits, nothing is forbidden.  Why?  Because it’s my blog, you dumbass, not yours!

As for the general tone and claims to first-hand statistical knowledge, I challenge him for that information.  Put up or shut up, bitch.  I can claim everybody hates his blogging and he should quit, but does that make it true?  Of course not.  And neither do such barren contentions on his part make any of his complaints relevant.  If so many bloggers hate cat blogging, let’s hear it from them.  Let’s see some of that running joke among bloggers, and let’s see which bloggers.  I know many of the top bloggers post cat photos, so he must be referring to the bottom of the barrel… as if they matter.  And even if he could make up come up with some names, I’d challenge that list with a fraction of the people responsible for the 4,000 daily cat posts that Technorati tracks.

Ultimately, what he has written is nothing more than his own personal feelings about what he likes and doesn’t like.  Guess what, moron?  Nobody cares.  If you don’t like it, don’t read it.  Just don’t make claims that your own hang-ups are indicative of the blogosphere as a whole.  It’s a wondrous and diverse world on the internets.  All sorts of people are talking about all sorts of things.  Everyone has one or more reasons for blogging, and I bet none of them have a damn thing to do with you.  We could care less what you think or feel, or even how you think the blogosphere should be governed.  That’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it, but don’t pawn it off like the end-all rulebook of blogging.  All you do is show the world just how mentally challenged you really are.

So do as all a favor, ronalfy: Shut the fuck up!