Xenomorph
Posted on May 15, 2007 by jason
Like an alien parasite it besets me within. I feel as though I am host to an alien metamorphosing from egg to disemboweling life form within but a few days.
Vexed have I been, since Saturday morning, with a kind of evil dwelling inside my body, some malevolent force seeking to overthrow my physical self with malignant aches that leave me weak, shaking, and barely able to function.
With it comes the most vile, the most ghoulish of ailments.
Unable to stomach much more than paltry crackers and plain bread, each consumed with but a bit of water, I still find after these trifling meals my body grapples with unnerving sickness that wells up within me and is tasted in the back of the throat as much as it is felt in the recesses of my belly.
And oh the headaches. Were it not for other symptoms, I might at this moment rush down the street to the emergency room and demand immediate removal of the ice pick within my skull. Nary a moment goes by without it poking and prodding and stabbing and sticking every inch of my brain. The anguish easily makes me wish for an unexplained cranial explosion to relieve the pressure.
Meanwhile, I visit the bathroom with unusual regularity, never certain at any one time whether I shall kneel and worship at the porcelain altar or sacrifice my soul to the devil that assails me so unrelentingly. In either case, my only prayer would be one asking—nay, pleading for mercy.
And still the ever changing beast remains.
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18 Responses to “Xenomorph”
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xocobra
May 16, 2007
i hope you feel better soon. hope it wasn’t a beer in a cup that did this to you
jason
May 16, 2007
Somehow I doubt something so pedestrian could unleash something so extravagantly evil. Still, you never know.
And thanks for the sentiment. I’m actually working from home today because I feel like death on a stale cracker. Well, that and I’d prefer not to toss my cookies at work—especially with such regularity.
xocobra
May 16, 2007
would you like some rotten caviar for your stale cracker?
jason
May 16, 2007
You’re going to make me sick. Literally.
Oh, and the answer is a resounding “Hell no!”
xocobra
May 16, 2007
ok, no more nasty food images. any ideas what it could be? it almost sounds like morning sickness with a twist. I’ve seen that happen[within the last year
]
SebastianEe
May 16, 2007
hmmm….WHAT HAVE YOU KIDS BEEN UP TO…Drinkin, morning sickness….XOCOBRA, did you 2 get drunk together and end up impregnating Jason?
xocobra
May 16, 2007
now that would be funny as hell. he’d be a millionaire if that happened
SebastianEe
May 16, 2007
That does not look like a denial to me?!? Mmmmmm Hmmmm
xocobra
May 16, 2007
um, let’s see how this game works…i don’t deny it and you will make fun of me, i deny it and you will call me a liar and still make fun of me. either way, i lose.
SebastianEe
May 16, 2007
So in essence youre saying youre a loser?
xocobra
May 16, 2007
damn, it took you that long to figure it out.duh
jason
May 16, 2007
Wait a minute. Somehow I got busy and missed the whole fantasy conversation. Let’s go back to that xocobra and jason thing . . .
xocobra
May 16, 2007
so where would you like to start, and where the heck is wayne in all this?
jason
May 16, 2007
Where would I like to start? I never thought you’d ask!
SebastianEe
May 17, 2007
Sorry you missed it Jason. Lets just say we planned it all out for you guys, you and XO will be civally comitted a week from today. Cant have you crazy kids having a child out of wedlock and all.
xocobra
May 17, 2007
Well i guess that means Sebastian will be “taking care” of Jason on his bachelor party…
SebastianEe
May 17, 2007
Uh, what are friends for?!?
SebastianEe
May 17, 2007
Im planning the wedding too, just remember how helpful ive been when its time to name the baby!