Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington?  And they tracked her calves to their stalls.  But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.  Maybe we should give them all a cow.

Since writing the original Relativity series last April, I have spent much time evaluating my relationship with Rick.  That's not a simple task as our relationship is complex and rich and not easily categorized.

We spend a lot of time together and share everything in our lives.  He takes care of The Kids when I'm not able to, I take care of his dog when he's not able to, we see each other almost every day, we talk on the phone every day, we'd rather spend time with each other than anyone else, we know all of each other's secrets, we enjoy visiting each other's and mutual friends, we find no discomfort in silence, our relationship has no need for small talk or shallow pleasantries, and the list goes on.

In Relativity IV I said that only time would tell if what I felt for Rick at that time was more than a transient crush.  As I said then, "to feel a certain way for ten years is an indication to me that my emotional state is not unstable (i.e. I'm not wishy-washy on this matter).  But it doesn't mean that some shrouded and indiscernible combination of recent and ongoing events hasn't somehow brought me to this place."

Many months later I can say that my feelings for him have not diminished.  They have instead continued to grow in strength and depth.

My mindset over the months which have passed since I wrote those words continued to be equally concerned about revealing what I felt at the risk of hurting what we already had (a very strong relationship that went beyond friendship) and subjugating the eager desire to pursue something more with him.

When you've felt a certain way about someone for 11 years, does it mean that what you feel is true and accurate?  Does it mean that an emotional attachment to someone is more than just a crush?  Do I "…continue to subjugate my own confusion by pure resolution" or do I act on it and risk ruining "that which I already have and cherish so dearly"?

The answers to these questions are unknown to me and likely depend greatly on each individual situation.

I am still left wondering what could be.  This is true of most humans, and I am no different.

Part of my hesitancy in this matter has been the normal concern that my "soul mate" could still be out there.  We all believe that there is someone for everyone.  I don't believe that's true, but I do believe that there is a chance for each of us to meet someone special, someone who can add to our existence and provide the emotional fulfillment most people want to find.

But everybody dances with one eye on the door, waiting for something better to walk in.  Would we even recognize it if it did?  Would we be too busy watching the door to realize that what we're looking for is the person we're already dancing with?

The axiom under which I view my feelings and relationship with Rick is this: genuine eros makes us desire a particular person; crude desire is satiable by fungible bodies.

In this case, fungible bodies fulfill only the wholly and primitive physical desires but can in no way satisfy the specific feelings I have for him in particular.

I do love Rick.  There is no doubt in my mind about that.  Part of that love is based on our friendship which has survived good and bad times alike for more than a decade.  The love does not end there, though, but is instead much deeper than mere friendship might explicate.

I am in love with Rick.  There is no doubt in my mind about that.  I fall more in love with him every day.

Our relationship is too complex to understand completely.  It's more than a friendship with benefits.

I said in the original series that I wanted to discuss this with Rick, that I wanted to explain my feelings to him and see where it went.  That hasn't happened for a myriad of reasons.  My life became overly complicated last year, especially with regards to Derek's health crisis and eventual death.  Work has gradually become far busier and more demanding, rapidly consuming more and more of my time and energy.  My mother fell ill and, as a result, I've quickly become the only child who still seems to give a damn about taking care of them.

Despite having explicitly said I would act, I have not.

This story is still not finished, little rug rats, yet I have no clear indication of where to take it.  The plot is in my hands — what do I do with it?

Rick is far too important a person in my life for me to endanger in any way what we already have together.  This in no way negates the fact that what I feel is powerful and seems to demand action from me.

In order for people to move forward, we often have to let go of what has held us back.  When what has held us back is a different aspect of what we need to move forward, the options are no longer as clear.

The dynamics of this relationship are not easily defined or understood — even by me.  There are times when I think we two are pursuing the same thing, then there are times when I think we two are quite content with what we have.

I feel as Lily Tomlin must have felt when she said, "If love is the answer, can you rephrase the question?"

Love is a very difficult emotion to understand.  It is without a doubt one of the most complex emotions we have.  It readily intertwines itself with aspects of relationships in ways that brings doubt and uncertainty.  We are left asking if what we feel is one thing or another, if it means something more than what we already have in our hands.

I am left without a clear understanding of the path I should take.  But isn't that normally the case in matters of love?

I have no closure on this issue nor with regards to my confusion on what to do, but there is no confusion about how I feel.  Perhaps what I have with Rick now is all I should expect.  Perhaps it will develop into something else on its own.  Either way, I close with the chorus to "Hanging by a Moment" by Lifehouse since these words seem to best describe how I feel.

…I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and I'm not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

You can thank one of the guys I work with for this one.  It's definitely worth sharing.

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home.  It read as follows.

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship.  The distance between us is just too great.  I must admit that I have cheated on you twice since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.  I'm sorry.  Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,
Becky

The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc.  In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.  There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note.

Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the fuck you are.  Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,
Ricky

How I missed this originally I'll never know, but I just stumbled across something from Bill Maher dated February 14, 2004 (last Valentine's Day).  Given George W. Bush's re-ignition of the gay marriage debate during his State of the Union Address on Wednesday, February 2, 2005, I think now is a good time to bring this back from the grave.  This has also spurred me to complete my own gay marriage series, so watch for that.

In the meantime, take a moment and read what Bill had to say on the topic.

NEW RULE: You can't claim you're the party of smaller government, and then clamor to make laws about love.  If there's one area I don't want the US government to add to its list of screw-ups, it's love.

On the occasion of this Valentine's Day, let's stop and ask ourselves: What business is it of the state how consenting adults choose to pair off, share expenses, and eventually stop having sex with each other?

And why does the Bush administration want a constitutional amendment about weddings?  Hey, birthdays are important, too — why not include them in the great document?  Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake — you know, to send the right message to kids.

Republicans are always saying we should privatize things, like schools, prison, Social Security — OK, so how about we privatize privacy?  If the government forbids gay men from tying the knot, what's their alternative?  They can't all marry Liza Minnelli.

Republicans used to be the party that opposed social engineering, but now they push programs to outlaw marriage for some people, and encourage it for others.  If you're straight, there's a billion-five in the budget to encourage and promote marriage — including seed money to pay an old Jewish woman to call up people at random and say "So why aren't you married, Mr. Big Shot?"

But when it comes to homosexuals, Republicans sing "I Love You Just the Way You Oughta Be."  They oppose gay marriage because it threatens or mocks — or does something — to the "sanctity of marriage," as if anything you can do drunk out of your mind in front of an Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas could be considered sacred.  Half the people who pledge eternal love are doing it because one of them is either knocked-up, rich or desperate, but in George Bush's mind, marriage is only a beautiful lifetime bond of love and sharing — kind of like what his Dad has with the Saudis.

But at least the right wing aren't hypocrites on this issue — they really believe that homosexuality, because it says so in the Bible, is an "abomination" and a "dysfunction" that's "curable": they believe that if a gay man just devotes his life to Jesus, he'll stop being gay — because the theory worked out so well with the Catholic priests.

But the greater shame in this story goes to the Democrats, because they don't believe homosexuality is an "abomination," and therefore their refusal to endorse gay marriage is a hypocrisy.  The right are true believers, but the Democrats are merely pretending that they believe gays are not entitled to the same state-sanctioned misery as the rest of us.

The Democrats' position doesn't come from the Bible, it's ripped right from the latest poll, which says that most Americans are against gay marriage.  Well, you know what: Sometimes "most Americans" are wrong.  Where's the Democrat who will stand up and go beyond the half measures of "civil union" and "hate the sin, love the sinner," and say loud and clear: 'There IS no sin, and homosexuality is NOT an abomination' — although that Boy George musical Rosie O'Donnell put on comes close.  The only thing abominable about being gay is the amount of time you have to put in at the gym.

But that aside, the law in this country should reflect that some people are just born 100 percent outrageously, fabulously, undeniably Fire Island gay, and that they don't need re-programming.  They need a man with a slow hand.

Happy Valentine's Day everybody!

(Bill Maher is host of "Real Time with Bill Maher."  Copyright 2004 Globe Newspaper Company.)

When Sci Fi channel announced in early 2003 that they would be releasing a new Battlestar Galactica miniseries later that year, I was at first quite excited by the idea.

The original Battlestar Galactica was based on a fantastic idea but was horribly implemented — a cheesy B series that seemed to desperately and unsuccessfully chase the success of Star Wars.  The characters were all a bit too perfect, each series episode contained a lot of rehashed footage from the pilot (how often did we see the same Cylon fighters blowing up in the same way?), and the sets were terrible and cheap.

Despite its shortcomings, however, the premise of the series was a great idea, so I was endeared to it.  That made the idea of a reincarnated Galactica series sound wonderful to me.  Then I heard some of the changes that were to be made and immediately became suspect that this wasn't such a good idea.

Starbuck was to be female, as was Boomer.  Adama and Apollo were not going to have a very good father-son relationship.  The Cylons were to be a rebellious creation of man rather than an alien race bent on the destruction of humanity.  Cylons now came in multiple flavors, including several models which were as yet indistinguishable from humans.  There was a president rather than a council of twelve.

I decided to give it a try anyway since I'm such a sci-fi nut.  Besides, to not watch it seemed like a betrayal of my passion for the story itself.

I was not disappointed.

The Battlestar Galactica miniseries was spectacular.  The Cylons had evolved and continued to do so.  The characters were real.  The story was gritty and dark.  This was fantastic stuff.

By the end of the miniseries I was hooked and desperately hoping Sci Fi would create a new series (which everyone knew they were eyeballing when creating the miniseries given their unreasonable and inexcusable cancellation of Farscape, quite possibly the best and most enjoyable original program Sci Fi has ever offered).  Luckily, with the exceptional ratings the miniseries received, Sci Fi saw an opportunity to capitalize on its success by introducing the new series.

The new Battlestar Galactica series finally debuted in January of 2005.

Wow!

This is not your daddy's Battlestar Galactica.  This is dark, dramatic, gritty, real science fiction programming.  Intensely suspenseful, this is a story about a genocidal chase by the Cylons and a journey of survival by the humans.

The miniseries left us with just 50,000 humans in the fleet — that's all that was left of the original twelve colonies and would be the only hope of their survival.  By the end of the first episode, we had fallen dramatically below that original 50,000 (by perhaps 3,000 heads) due to constant Cylon attacks.  The fleeing human refugees were exhausted and dwindling.

Because the Cylons had evolved and created 12 different Cylon models (some of which look just like humans and as yet can't be differentiated except by their actions), part of the excitement is the impact of knowing what some Cylons look like while not knowing about others.  We know Number Six who haunts and excites Baltar.  We've seen two male versions of the human model.  The new raiders (fighters) appear to be a model unto themselves (there are no pilots, so the ships actually seem to be autonomous robots like the humanoid versions).  The original Cylon model (yes, the same as that from the original series) are the precursors to all modern Cylons.  The new warrior class (replacing the original model) is deadly and wonderfully designed.

Even more disturbing is that we know one Cylon model, Boomer, is programmed to act just like a human until activated for certain duties (she is otherwise unaware albeit suspicious of her own true nature).  How many others are aboard the Galactica, let alone the rest of the fleet?  We simply don't know.

Sci Fi has done a fantastic job of creating a very well produced series with exceptional special effects.  It's gripping and scary and sexy.  There is a sense of fatalism that pervades every story.  It's an allegory of our own times by touching on torture, war, genocide and terrorism, all while not losing sight of the humanity in this desperate flight from certain death.

If you haven't already checked this new series out, you should.  It's strong stuff, but I believe it's the most provocative sci-fi adventure on television.  It's certainly the best thing to come along since Farscape.

Just after I moved, I was able to capture a rare and seldom seen phenomenon — all four of The Kids resting together.  There are certain combinations I've come to expect, but it's very rare to see all four of them resting in close proximity to each other.  That's just not their style except when it's time to go to bed, in which case they all join me.

I've added the picture to The Kids gallery as well as below.

[left to right: Kazon, Kako, Grendel and Loki]

Where are you, my brother?  I fear you have lost your way.

In the second week of June our mother fell ill and was hospitalized for approximately a week.  Her condition was quite serious, but, thankfully, it turned out to be something treatable and she was, after several days in the hospital and much pain and discomfort later, on her way back home to recover.

Where were you?  Did you call?  Did you come to visit her while she was hospitalized?  Did you come to visit her at home when she was finally discharged from the hospital?  Did you assist our father with the numerous tasks he had to tend to around the farm, tasks which were normally quite enough for two people to handle?  Did you call either of them to check on them?  Have you called either of them since her hospitalization to, if nothing more, touch base with your parents?

You intentionally avoided them for Christmas and have caused much unneeded pain, anguish and worry.  Do you care?

Our parents have both been ill recently.  Were you aware of that?  Would it have made a difference if you had known that?

I do not ask these questions to attack you.  On the contrary, I ask these questions because I would sincerely appreciate knowing the answers.

I contacted you on October 8th about helping cover some of our parents’ prescription medication expenses.  You may remember telling our father many months ago that you would pick up the monthly costs of their prescriptions.  You wanted to help.  You did not want them to worry about covering those costs.  When I contacted you, I offered to help defray the costs by paying for a part of that monthly expense.  I specifically said that Dad was declining to seek treatment (for something that he desperately needs to address) because of the costs.  By cutting the monthly expense in half, we could have helped them tremendously without overly burdening either of our financial states.

Did you respond?  Did you ever intend to keep your word to our father, the statement of fact, an inherent promise, about paying their monthly prescription bills?  I told you then, several months ago, that we needed to move quickly on this in view of their financial situation, so I’m asking whether you even care?

I understand from many conversations with Mom & Dad that you and your wife travel extensively and are both quite tied up with your respective careers.  How wonderful for the two of you.  I do wonder, however, how wonderful that is for your children.  How do you think they would rate you as a father right now if they could communicate that information clearly and without the overshadowing emotional immaturity of childhood?  Is your career truly more important than your children?

I also understand that you are continuing to pursue the lead pastoral position at a church.  It must be nice to see an opportunity to help guide people in their relationship with your god.  It’s nice to see someone who would like to set the example for so many others.

Do you ever see your own hypocrisy?  How dare you assume you could lead others in their quest for a moral compass when you are too lost to maintain the most important relationship you will ever have — your relationship with your parents.  I could care less whether you keep in touch with me as your moral bankruptcy in acceptance has always been evident.  If your god is real, you can blame him for who I am.  I sure as hell didn’t wake up one morning and decide I wanted to be persecuted and despised by so many, including my own family.  Your apparent bigotry in your dislike for me is of no regard in this matter.

I find it offensive, however, that you dare to believe yourself capable of setting any kind of superior moral example for others when you ignore those who gave you birth, when you show contempt for their very existence by making promises you have no intention of keeping and thereby raising false hopes of easier economic times, when you intentionally wield your holiday plans like a weapon with the clear intention to do emotional harm, and when your odium of them becomes so detestably perceptible that your utter disregard for their welfare becomes a significant concern for both of them.

Your hypocrisy offends me to the core.  You believe yourself to be a religious man capable of being a pastor; therein lies perhaps the most disheartening of all realizations — you truly are blinded to the reality of your own life and existence.

You find yourself so wrapped up in your own career and your unquenchable thirst for a position of religious power that you find it acceptable to turn your back on our parents, to wound them time and again by ignoring them at all turns.  You dare to presume yourself so morally centered that you are capable of helping others to become more moral, yet your disregard and contempt for your own parents is a palpable fog that encircles and follows you with the stench of death.

Doesn’t Matthew 23:26 say something about cleaning up the inside before bothering with the outside?  Do you really feel as though you lead such a clean and proper life in the eyes of your god that you are capable of assisting others?  According to Exodus 20:12, one of the 10 Commandments is actually something about honoring your father and mother.  Do you truly believe you can lead others in fulfilling this directive when you’ve shown such disdain for your own parents?

I am forced to wonder if you have read the entire bible and fully understand what you are claiming by seeking to lead a church.  I am forced to question your heart and motives.  I am forced to question whether you even feel anything anymore.  I see the pain in our parents’ eyes and wonder what they could have done to deserve this kind of treatment from you.  I hear them speak in terms of pain and anguish concerning your absence and your apparent abhorrence of your own family.

I am writing this letter not because I wish to stand in judgment of you.  I am writing this letter to ask questions.  It is my hope that you will answer those questions for yourself and will act accordingly.  I believe your quests for secular success and for a position of religious prestige are blinding you to the reality of life.

According to The Dhammapada, the Buddha once said, "There is happiness in life, happiness in friendship, happiness of a family, happiness in a healthy body and mind, …but when one loses them, there is suffering."

Can’t you see the suffering you’re causing your family by being such a pitiful, selfish, mean-spirited shell of a man?

Offer your excuses to someone else.  Either be a son or change your last name and be forever more nothing but a bad memory.

After all the hype and the dire warnings of much snow yesterday, we got absolutely nothing but rain.  It rained all day long with the temperature hovering around 40° F.  The promises of snow were empty, though, because it never got cold enough.

It amazes me how poorly we understand the weather.  It's 2005 and we still can't accurately predict it within 24 hours — not even 12 hours.  Meteorologists and atmospheric physicists are lucky to get it right for the right now, something we can all do by looking outside.  It makes me laugh uproariously when they try to go out even a few days or a week, let alone months in advance (hear that, Farmer's Almanac?).

But I understand the plight they find themselves in.  Weather is a chaotic system with a vast amount of variable input and factors that are near impossible to accurately model, let alone successfully predict.

Still, don't promise me snow if you're not going to deliver.  This is Texas and snow is a big deal, especially for people like me who love winter and the weather it has to offer.

We're under a Winter Weather Advisory right now and are expecting 1-3 inches of snow before tomorrow morning.  This will be the second bit of snow we've gotten this winter.  I'm excited about it.  There probably won't be any weather-related problems from this since we should be above freezing by noon tomorrow and will be in the fifties on Thursday.  Still, snow is snow.  If it actually happens, I'll try to grab some pictures.