So says Kazon.
Category Archives: Kazon
Between the shadow and the soul
Thoughts of Henry today, and Derek. Thoughts of Aunt Jan and Uncle Charlie. Thoughts of those lost. And those soon to be lost.
Stumbling in a dark place of torment, a place between the shadow and the soul where true love exists, defined not by three words, not by action, not by thought, but defined only by being.
Here rest memories of loves taken, loves betrayed, and loves still before me.
My mind finally circles to a quote I read some time ago on another blog. It read, “The only guaranteed protection against the torment of grief is to never love another individual, and those who make this choice walk down a silent road on their way to nowhere.”[1]
I rock gently in my own embrace, those words echoing in my mind as my heart aches for that which can never be regained.
Then I begin to fear for that which has yet to be lost but most surely will be so in time.
I open my eyes.
Kazon sits and watches me, his golden eyes “ablaze as they [pierce] me to the core, to the very part of me that defines who I am. And I, in my weak and human way, [stare] back, my eyes empty save the love I [feel] for him, like that as a father feels for a child.
“I [melt] in that moment, in those eyes, in the love that [hangs] heavy between us and [makes] the air thick with affection. It [lies] upon me like wet cotton resting against bare skin. This child, this feline, this predator who so ably controls my every whim with but a look from those golden eyes… he [holds] my essence in his view on a burning cold day with nothing but sunbeams defining the time.”
I will not travel the silent road to nowhere. I will gladly succumb to the pain and anguish, time and time and time again, and I will do so intentionally, and I will seek that torment’s precursor in new loves until it is I who am lost to others.
So I shout in my mind to silence the emptiness that bemoans what once was. Even as the thoughts of what death has taken finally disappear back into the night from which they came, I tremble briefly at the thought of losing more.
— — — — — — — — — —
[1] First seen here and attributed to C.R.H.
Death and destruction
Or not so much.
And on the other side of this mayhem?
That’s right! It’s the devil himself.
You can see the chaos engendered by Larenti‘s addition to the xenogere home.
Grendel has erred on the side of dominance, something I’m working on without causing too much stress in the natural pecking order. His behavior has surprised me a wee bit, although not horribly given he’s the alpha male. Still, he’s been a bit “Gonna kick your ass!” lately, at least from time to time (okay, I can count these instances on less than three fingers, but still. . .).
As for Loki, he’s rather uncaring about it all, careful not to push Larenti’s buttons or cause too much disorder, yet not entirely restrained or concerned. He gives the new kid a bit of wiggle room, but otherwise he is who he is.
Vazra seems completely unconcerned. Mind you, he knew Larenti long before his own rescue, let alone this most recent adoption from the streets. In fact, I’ve seen Vazra and Larenti playing in the most comfortable of ways. They’ve brought many a smile to my face with their beer-buddy antics.
Kazon has taken it all in stride. While he generally gives Larenti all the room he needs to be comfortable, he’s also enjoyed several rounds of cat-chase-cat with his new sibling. Add to that his unending desire to be friends with everyone. Needless to say, nothing of concern has cropped up in their interactions.
But then comes Kako. Her bitchy attention suddenly finds Vazra quite acceptable. Whereas he had been the outcast in her eyes since his adoption, Larenti’s presence has offered a new target for her “Get out of my house!” attitude. I suspect that will take some time before it smooths out, or at least becomes less hostile.
As for Larenti, he’s coming along nicely. He day by day grows more comfortable. At first, he wouldn’t leave the cat carrier in the bathroom. Eventually, he came out of that phase and began exploring his new world. Now he sleeps in the bedroom with the rest of The Kids. He doesn’t frighten as easily. He lets the rest of us walk near him without fleeing. He talks incessantly and expects his morning lovin’ just like the rest of the spoiled brats in this household.
Progress? You betcha!
[please excuse the quality of the photos; my camera increasingly offers me nothing but headaches; more on that later]
I love you, Daddy
Never could I describe to you the overwhelming joy of such moments. Never could I explain the unspoken words communicated in such affectionate caresses.
[Kazon]
That didn’t work as expected
Vazra lay against the pillow as a soft purr rumbled gently from his core. Kazon, meanwhile, stood on my chest meowing loudly. His declaration? “It’s time to get up, Daddy!” Hard to misunderstand him at such volumes and in such close proximity.
I petted him for a moment, then I rolled over to look at the clock. 6:05 AM. Perfect. Not too early for a Sunday morning.
After doling out greetings and affection to The Kids, I rose and began the day.
When I finally made it into the kitchen, something caught my eye, something confusing. The clock on the microwave said it was 5:20 AM. Huh?
Then it hit me. In my setting-the-clocks-back spree the night before, I had missed the alarm clock in the bedroom. Argh!
The end of Daylight Saving Time hadn’t exactly given me the extra hour I had anticipated. Truth be told, it never does since The Kids don’t care about such things. Clocks are meaningless to them. They have a schedule, which means I have a schedule, and neither has ever been able to tell time.